Sleep can be such a frustrating experience for so many of us, especially for those of us juggling high-pressure careers and family life. Personally, I’ve gone through periods of insomnia, and it’s no walk in the park. As a mom, I’ve read that it can take up to six years for your body to return to normal sleep patterns after having a baby. While I can’t vouch for the accuracy of that statistic, I do know that the challenges extend far beyond the newborn phase. Becoming a light sleeper, always on alert for any sign of distress from our kids, can turn nights into a series of wake-up calls—toddler nightmares, sickness, or simply falling out of bed.

When No One’s Waking You Up, But You Still Can’t Sleep

You might be in a season where your kids are finally sleeping through the night, but you find yourself consistently waking up in the middle of the night, struggling to fall back asleep. It’s incredibly frustrating and exhausting, leading to anxiety and a disruption of your entire day. You don’t feel like yourself, and it can make bedtime something you dread. The cycle feels inescapable, and nothing seems to help.

I want you to know that it is possible to shift this, and the first step in changing our experience is understanding it.

The Midnight Wake-Up Call: Understanding Your Nervous System

Let’s talk about waking up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts, unable to fall back asleep. Maybe it’s 3 AM, and like clockwork, you’re wide awake, feeling a surge of energy coursing through your body. You lie there, tossing and turning, debating whether to get up and start your day because lying in bed feels like a waste of time.

This scenario is a clue that your body is in what we call the sympathetic nervous system state—our fight or flight response. Something is causing your nervous system to sense a threat, sending you into this stress response to mobilize you for action, whether to fight or flee. Your body thinks there’s a lion chasing you, and you need to get up and move to survive.

Responding to Your Body’s Signals

Many of us stay in bed, trying to lay still and breathe deeply to fall back asleep. However, this often makes the fight or flight response worse, increasing our activation. It’s like your brain is sounding an alarm, releasing hormones to prepare every cell in your body to move. Ignoring this signal and staying in bed contradicts what your body is urging you to do.

Your nervous system isn’t going to simply back off and let you fall back asleep. Instead, the alarm gets louder, with more cortisol and adrenaline flooding your system. Your body is shouting, “Run, move, escape!” The more you ignore it, the more intense the response.

A New Approach: Mobilize and Relax

When you wake up feeling this way at 3 AM, here’s what I want you to do: get out of bed. This is very important. Avoid looking at your phone or turning on bright lights. Instead, do something to mobilize your body. It might be as simple as walking to the bathroom, roaming around your house for a couple of minutes, humming or singing softly, or doing some gentle stretching or swaying. Anything to help discharge that sympathetic energy.

Once you notice a shift and a settling of that fight or flight energy—this should take just a few minutes—engage in a calming activity to help your body transition into the parasympathetic (rest and digest) state. This could include listening to soothing music, swaying, prayer, short meditation, deep breathing, or reading a boring book. Then, return to bed. This process will support you in getting back into a deep rest for the remaining hours until it’s time to start your day.

By understanding and responding to your body’s signals, you can break the cycle of nighttime anxiety and restlessness, paving the way for more peaceful and restorative sleep.

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