Let’s get real today—no sugar-coating, just the honest truth. Last night, I was sitting on the couch with Jeff, watching the Heat game, with a facemask on. Out of nowhere, he told me my skin has been looking really healthy lately. Now, if you know me, you know I take that as a high compliment. I started telling him how ever since I’ve been super intentional about regulating my nervous system and letting go of all the junk I’ve been holding onto, I’ve been sleeping better, feeling more energized, and yes, my skin is glowing.

But here’s where it gets interesting. Amory was in our bed with a cough the night before, so I hadn’t slept well. I made a comment to Jeff about how I’m noticing that even when I don’t get a good night’s sleep, I’m okay. Sure, I’m not at 100%, but I’m still functioning at a pretty high level. A few years ago, though? Oh, it was a different story. Before I really got into understanding my nervous system and diving into this coaching journey, if I didn’t sleep well, I was a bear. I was unpleasant, to say the least. I felt like a zombie and was no fun to be around.

And Jeff, being the straight shooter he is, said, “Yeah, you used to be so awful when you didn’t sleep well. It’s so different now.” He wasn’t wrong. Back then, my bad mood wasn’t just because I was tired. There was a lot going on beneath the surface that I just didn’t have the awareness to recognize.

So, that’s what I want to talk about today. Because let’s be honest—sometimes we’re in a bad mood, and we don’t even know why. Or there are so many reasons to be in a bad mood that we don’t even know which one set us off. And let’s be real—no one wants to feel like that. It’s not fun. When I was crabby, I didn’t want to show up that way. I know there was some guilt and shame wrapped up in it too, which just made it all suck even more.

I want to shed some light on three things that can cause us to be irritable as ambitious moms. Because once we have that awareness, we can actually do something about it.

1. Nervous System Dysregulation: Reaching Your Capacity

We all have a capacity—our very own “window of tolerance.” Think of it like being in a swimming pool. When the water’s calm, you can float around and enjoy it. But when the waves start crashing, it’s harder to stay afloat. That’s your nervous system when it’s dysregulated. It’s when you’re at the end of your rope, running on fumes, and just trying to keep your head above water.

The good news? We can increase our window of tolerance with good habits—rest, movement, proper nourishment, and setting boundaries around our bandwidth and those people who stress us out. It’s about doing the somatic work to heal and clear out what’s weighing us down, so we’re not drowning in that pool.

2. Overstimulation: Too Much of Everything

I’ve started to wonder if I might be highly sensitive. And even if I’m not (and you aren’t), as high-achieving moms, we’re constantly being stimulated from every angle—kids, work, social media, the news, you name it. It’s a lot.

The key is to notice our cues for when we’re becoming overstimulated so we can hear the signal that we need to regulate. Don’t ignore it when your body is screaming for a break. Take a moment, breathe, and give yourself permission to step away and reset.

3. Suppressing Our Emotions: When It Leaks Out

Emotions are energy in motion. They’re meant to move through us, not get stuck inside. But for so long, I didn’t want to burden anyone with my disappointments or frustrations, so I just held them in. And guess what? That energy finds a way out, whether we like it or not.

We don’t have to tell everyone our problems, but we’ve got to tell someone—or at least have a way to release that energy. Journaling, letter writing, sacred rage exercises, even screaming (though maybe not in public)—these are all ways to let it out. Because when we don’t express ourselves authentically, it’s exhausting. And that exhaustion turns into irritability.

Bringing It All Together

I think this is helpful. Sometimes, everyone around us is really annoying, and that’s why we feel irritable. But sometimes, there’s so much more going on beneath the surface. When we can understand that, we can extend ourselves a little compassion and get curious about what our irritability is signaling to us. And with that awareness, we can make conscious decisions to take action—actions that probably involve better emotional hygiene and taking better care of ourselves, mind, body, and soul.

So next time you’re in a bad mood, ask yourself, “What’s really going on here?” Because once you know, you can do something about it. And that, my friend, is where the real change happens.

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