Before we dive into the three big contributors to burnout, I want to clarify something. When I talk about these as “traits,” I don’t want you to think they’re set-in-stone parts of your personality. These behaviors are actually protective coping mechanisms—defense strategies you picked up along the way, likely starting in childhood. They were responses to situations that felt unsafe, or ways you found love and validation that became ingrained patterns over time.

These are not unchangeable pieces of who you are; they’re patterns you can absolutely heal and shift. So if you see yourself in any of these, know that you have the power to create new, healthier ways of being.

Alright, here’s the trifecta of burnout traits—many of us have one, two, or even all three of them. The good news? You can heal these patterns. Let’s break it down.

1. People-Pleasing

How It Shows Up in Daily Life:

• You say “yes” when you mean “no.”
• You overcommit to others, often at the expense of your own needs.
• Confrontation makes you anxious, so you avoid it.
• You seek validation from others to feel worthy.
• You feel responsible for everyone’s happiness, and it weighs on you.

Nervous System Perspective: People-pleasing is a survival trait. Your nervous system craves social connection and safety, and early on, you learned that approval and acceptance from others help you belong. Your parasympathetic nervous system (which governs social engagement) kicks in when you try to please others. This pattern becomes a way to avoid rejection and maintain harmony, but it comes at a cost.

How It Contributes to Burnout: Constantly prioritizing others drains your energy, leaving little for yourself. When you can’t set boundaries, you end up overwhelmed with obligations, and your nervous system is stuck in a chronic state of stress.

Healing the Pattern:

• Self-Awareness: Start by recognizing when and why you people-please. What triggers this behavior? Reflect on moments from your past that might’ve shaped this pattern.
• Set Boundaries: Start small. Set a limit today and stick to it, even if it feels uncomfortable. Over time, you’ll get better at protecting your energy.
• Get Support: Working with someone who understands the nervous system and trauma can help you unravel the root causes of people-pleasing. I’d love to support you in this journey—let’s chat!

2. Perfectionism

How It Shows Up in Daily Life:

• You set impossibly high standards for yourself (and maybe others, too).
• You procrastinate because you’re afraid your work won’t be good enough.
• You obsess over tiny details and struggle to delegate tasks.
• You’re your own harshest critic and find it hard to accept mistakes.

Nervous System Perspective: Perfectionism often stems from a controlling personality trait. You have a deep seeded need for control. When things feel uncertain or out of your hands, your sympathetic nervous system (the one responsible for fight-or-flight) kicks in, driving you to try and perfect everything. It’s a way to avoid criticism, rejection, and the threats that seem tied to your self-worth.

How It Contributes to Burnout: Here’s the problem: Perfectionism chases an ideal that doesn’t exist. This relentless pursuit keeps your nervous system in overdrive, constantly on high alert. It becomes exhausting—mentally and physically—and contributes to burnout.

Healing the Pattern:

• Embrace the Mess: Life is messy—whether it’s parenting, running a business, or personal growth. Imperfection is normal. Start small by allowing something to be less-than-perfect today. The more you do this, the more you’ll retrain your nervous system to feel safe in the messiness of life.
• Done Is Better Than Perfect: When you can let go of the need for flawlessness, you free yourself to take action and actually complete things. Perfect is an illusion—aim for progress instead.

3. High-Functioning Anxiety

How It Shows Up in Daily Life:

• You’re always busy and struggle to relax.
• You overachieve and take on way more than is healthy.
• Perfectionism and fear of failure drive your actions.
• Your body’s in a constant state of tension—you might feel fatigued, have trouble sleeping, or experience muscle tightness.

Nervous System Perspective: High-functioning anxiety is rooted in a hyperactive sympathetic nervous system. Your fight-or-flight response stays on high alert, often due to early experiences with stress or trauma. Over time, your nervous system learns to manage anxiety by staying busy—because being productive feels safer than sitting with your deeper fears and anxieties.

How It Contributes to Burnout: The constant busyness, lack of relaxation, and endless productivity keep your nervous system in overdrive. This hypervigilance leads to chronic stress and, eventually, burnout.

Healing the Pattern:

• Mindfulness Practices: Start incorporating mindfulness and relaxation techniques into your routine. Meditation, deep breathing, or simply taking a few moments to pause can help calm your nervous system.
• Address Underlying Anxiety: To truly heal from high-functioning anxiety, you need to address the root causes. This is where working with someone who understands the nervous system, trauma, and somatics can be invaluable. Whether it’s through my Restore program or one-on-one coaching, I’d love to help you manage anxiety in a healthier way.

Remember, these traits—people-pleasing, perfectionism, and high-functioning anxiety—aren’t fixed parts of your personality. They’re patterns that were created to protect you, but now they’re likely doing more harm than good. The beauty is that with the right tools and support, you can shift these patterns and reclaim your energy. Let’s start the journey together.

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