One of the most common questions I get is, “How do I make my anxiety go away?” It’s a question that seems simple but has a counterintuitive answer, and I’ll be honest—it can feel a bit annoying at first. Here’s the deal: when you’re feeling anxious, the way to make it go away is… not to. That’s right. You don’t try to make it disappear. You don’t try to suppress, avoid, or ignore it. You don’t even try to regulate it away with all your favorite tools. And I know this sounds frustrating, but stick with me because there’s solid science and psychology behind this.

Why Trying to Reduce Anxiety Can Make It Worse

Our natural instinct is to want to get rid of anxiety as soon as it hits. We don’t like how it feels, so we think, “Make it stop.” But when your internal dialogue revolves around that—whether you’re aware of it or not—your brain interprets your anxiety as a threat. When your brain senses danger, it kicks into fight-or-flight mode, pumping out more cortisol and adrenaline, the stress hormones that fuel your anxiety. So, what happens? You end up feeling anxious about being anxious. It’s a vicious cycle, right?

Here’s the thing: your thoughts and discomfort around anxiety are what make it worse. The more you fight it, the more it tightens its grip. But when you stop obsessing over making it go away and instead shift your focus to being with it, you can break the cycle.

So, What Should You Do Instead?

The real question isn’t “How do I make my anxiety stop?” The better question is: “How do I learn to be with my anxiety?”

Here’s where things get a little paradoxical—the moment you stop trying to force your anxiety away and allow it to just be there, its power over you starts to fade. Your nervous system begins to regulate, and you feel more at ease.

Start by slowing down. You can’t be with anything if you’re speeding through life at 100 mph. When you’re feeling anxious, take a moment to pause. Find a quiet spot—even if it’s just sitting in your car or locking yourself in the bathroom for five minutes. Close your eyes and notice where you feel the anxiety in your body. Is it a tightness in your chest? Shallow breathing? Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach or jittery legs.

At first, this might feel strange, but with practice, you’ll get better at noticing where anxiety shows up in your body. Simply observe it without trying to change it. You’re not judging, labeling, or fighting it. You’re just noticing, like an observer.

Why This Works: The Science Behind It

Every time you feel your anxiety and don’t try to run from it, you’re showing your brain that it’s not life-threatening. You’re teaching your nervous system that anxiety itself isn’t dangerous, and you don’t need to pump out more stress hormones in response. The more you do this, the less power anxiety has over you. It becomes something that moves through you rather than something that controls you.

Another key thing to remember is that anxiety is often a messenger. It’s your brain’s alarm system—your amygdala—trying to alert you that something in your life needs attention. If you keep ignoring it, that alarm is going to get louder and more intense because it’s doing its job of protecting you. But if you listen to it and acknowledge it, it tends to calm down.

When we take the time to notice and acknowledge our anxiety, we change our relationship with it. Rather than seeing it as something to fear or get rid of, we can start viewing it as a signal that something’s out of balance. Simply allowing ourselves to be aware of our anxiety—what it feels like, what thoughts are tied to it—can begin to reduce its intensity. This lets your brain and body know you’re listening, you’re safe, and there’s no need to escalate the response.

Step 1: Slow Down and Notice

First, slow down. Notice where the anxiety is in your body. This doesn’t have to take long—literally a minute will do.

Step 2: Take Action

Here’s the part people often miss: anxiety and inaction go hand in hand. If your brain is ringing the alarm, it’s because it wants you to do something. If a fire alarm goes off, you don’t sit there and ruminate about it—you get up and check for smoke. The same principle applies to anxiety.

Stop spinning out in thoughts, imagining worst-case scenarios, or Googling every symptom. All that does is keep you stuck in a loop. When you don’t take any action, your brain continues to ring the alarm because it feels like you haven’t solved the problem yet.

Breaking the Anxiety Cycle Through Action

Taking action helps break the cycle. Your brain loves structure and predictability, and when you shift from anxious thoughts to action, it calms down. Whether it’s a small step or tackling a big task, you signal to your brain that you’re in control, and the alarm quiets down. This engages the rational part of your brain, moving you out of fight-or-flight mode.

Practical Takeaways for Reducing Anxiety

1. Break It Down: When you feel overwhelmed, break the problem into smaller, manageable steps. This gives your brain something concrete to focus on and eases the anxiety of the unknown.
2. Create a Daily Plan: Even a loose plan can keep anxiety in check because it gives your brain a sense of control over your day.
3. Use a Timer: If you’re procrastinating, set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes. Commit to working on the task during that time. Often, just starting will reduce anxiety.
4. Physical Action: When you’re stuck in anxious thoughts, do something physical—go for a walk, stretch, or even take a few deep breaths. Moving your body helps discharge anxious energy.

Long Story Short

How do you make anxiety go away? You don’t. Instead of trying to stop it, slow down, notice it, and take action. Anxiety and inaction feed off each other, but when you break that loop, you regain control and start feeling better.

So, the next time you’re feeling anxious, try this: Where in your body are you noticing it? Just take a moment to observe. Then, instead of spiraling in thoughts, take a small action. That’s how you start shifting from anxious to empowered.

And remember, you’re doing better than you think.

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