Let’s talk boundaries—specifically, self-care boundaries. These aren’t about what I’ll tolerate from others, but what I will (or won’t) tolerate from myself. This is an exercise in examining what I’m allowing in my own life that’s not serving me. You know the stuff—the things you know aren’t working but still do anyway.

Today, I’m sharing four boundaries I set with myself that truly moved the needle. Once I stopped tolerating these things, the shift in my energy, mindset, and relationships was immeasurable.

Here are the four self-care boundaries that made all the difference.

1. Saying No, a Lot More

There was a season in my life when I was overcommitted, exhausted, and constantly running on fumes. The solution? I started saying no—a lot. No to meetings I didn’t need to be in, no to calls I didn’t want to take, and no to events that didn’t feel aligned.

Saying no created margin. And in that margin, I found the space for things that truly mattered to me: my sanity, my health, my family, my personal growth, and my faith. Saying no is the only way to make room for those aspects of self-care.

The more I said no, the easier it got, and the more empowered I felt. If you find yourself overcommitted and overwhelmed, grab that red pen and start canceling things that don’t serve you. The freedom you’ll gain is priceless.

2. Replacing Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion

For years, I was hard on myself, constantly criticizing my every move. But eventually, I became aware of my inner voice and stopped tolerating the self-criticism. Instead of beating myself up when things didn’t go as planned, I got curious. Why did I make that choice? What was going on that led to that decision?

Self-compassion became my go-to response, and it’s the opposite of self-care. I’ve realized that self-criticism doesn’t help us grow or improve—it throws us into survival mode, keeping us anxious, stressed, and disconnected. On the other hand, self-compassion opens up space for learning and growth. When we’re kind to ourselves, we can access the part of our brain that solves problems, learns, and responds instead of reacts.

And guess what? It’s not just true for us—it’s true for our kids, too. Compassion is a way more powerful motivator than criticism.

3. Stopping the Comparison Game

Comparison is a sneaky thief of joy. And nothing good comes from it. Trust me, I’ve been there—scrolling Instagram or watching other moms and feeling like I’m not enough because my kids aren’t dressed in perfectly coordinated outfits or because I’m feeding them mac and cheese for dinner.

I had to get real with myself and stop letting these comparisons steal my peace. What I realized is that we only see a tiny snapshot of someone else’s life. We don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes, and it’s not fair to judge ourselves based on half the story.

Once I stopped comparing, I was able to stay in my lane and focus on what really mattered to me and my family. My house might be messy sometimes, but it’s filled with love and laughter. My kids eat a mix of veggies and pizza, and that’s okay. It’s about what’s important to you, not what looks good on someone else’s highlight reel.

4. Questioning the “Shoulds”

This one was a game changer: I stopped blindly following all the “shoulds” that ran through my mind. I started questioning every time I thought “I should do this” or “I should have that.” For example, I used to believe that, as a lawyer, I should have an office. But after taking a hard look at it, I realized it wasn’t serving me. I didn’t need an expensive high-rise office to be successful. So, I closed it down and started working from home.

Some “shoulds” are valid, like spending more quality time with my kids. But most of the “shoulds” I was holding onto were just noise, pushing me to live up to someone else’s standards. When you get clear on what you want and stop letting the weight of everyone else’s expectations guide your choices, you gain freedom. You can live your life in alignment with your values and let go of the rest.

True Self-Care Starts with Boundaries

These boundaries didn’t just change my life—they transformed my experience of motherhood, my relationships, and my sense of self. Self-care isn’t just about mani-pedis or spa days (though I love those too). The real, life-giving self-care comes from setting boundaries with yourself. It’s about making space for what matters, practicing self-compassion, staying in your own lane, and questioning the “shoulds” that weigh you down.

These boundaries are the foundation for living a life that feels aligned, vibrant, and full of joy. And the best part? You can start right now. Start with one boundary and watch the ripple effect it has on your energy, your mindset, and your life.

Self-care is a practice—let’s start practicing.

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