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My Journey with Emotions

Over the past decade, I’ve had a significant revelation about my emotions. If you had asked me ten years ago if I was an emotional person, I would have quickly said no. I wasn’t one of those dramatic women. I rarely cried, didn’t have a temper, and never yelled at anyone or anything. I didn’t cry at movies; I just seemed super chill on the outside. But inside, there was a lot going on that I was completely unaware of.

The Conditioning of Suppression

I had been conditioned—through no real fault of anyone—to suppress my emotions. I developed brilliant suppression tactics, typical of both the enduring and rigid personality patterns. If you haven’t taken our personality pattern quiz yet, it’s a great tool to understand why you behave the way you do under stress or overwhelm. There’s a link in the show notes, and trust me, it will bring a lot of lightbulb moments.

Unconscious Labels and Emotional Repression

I had unconsciously labeled emotions—some as good, others as bad, weak, or strong. I repressed emotions I deemed weak or bad, like anger, sadness, frustration, and disappointment, without even realizing it. This repression was driving me to anxiety, burnout, and making me sick.

Societal and Family Norms

Many of us are socialized through societal and family norms to “push down” or avoid emotions. We hear things like “don’t be a crybaby,” “you’re too sensitive,” or “just get over it!” These messages imply that emotions are bad and shouldn’t exist, leading us to fear our emotions and avoid them at all costs. However, no matter who you are, suppressing emotions will hurt your overall well-being—both mental and physical.

Signs of Bottling Up Emotions

Let’s talk about three signs you might be bottling up emotions without realizing it. Often, we’re not just suppressing emotions—we’re repressing them. The difference is that we don’t even know we’re doing it. Here are three red flags that indicate you’re bottling up emotions:

1. Distraction and Avoidance: Do you distract yourself from uncomfortable emotions with social media, screens, work, cleaning, or endless to-do lists? Waiting for that moment to have a glass of wine to take the edge off? These distractions keep you from truly living and feeling.
2. Somatic Symptoms: The mind-body connection is real. Suppressed emotions often show up as physical symptoms—headaches, gut issues, jaw tension, or other chronic pain. If you’ve been experiencing unexplained health issues, take a look at your emotional hygiene.
3. Resentment: Especially for us moms, when things feel unfair or we carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load, unexpressed needs can quickly turn into resentment. This resentment seeps into our relationships, making small things feel like big issues.

Sharing Withholds in Relationships

For me, understanding emotions and the nervous system was crucial, especially post-partum. I had expectations I wasn’t aware of and didn’t express, leading to resentment. In our marriage, Jeff and I started sharing withholds—a practice we now teach in our pre-marital courses. Sharing withholds prevents resentment and fosters healthy communication.

Ever heard phrases like “don’t be a crybaby,” “you’re too sensitive,” or “just get over it”? These messages teach us to fear our emotions and suppress them. However, bottling up emotions impacts our well-being. Remember, bottling up emotions isn’t the same as managing them intentionally. It’s my hope that recognizing these red flags can spark curiosity about your relationship with emotions and how they impact your physical and mental health.

Take our personality pattern quiz if you haven’t already. Understanding your patterns can provide insights into how you cope with stress and emotions. Let’s continue this journey together, embracing our emotions and nurturing our well-being.

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