Parenting, holidays, you name it – stress is just part of the package. Do you know your stress response?

While we can certainly be proactive in identifying and minimizing those stress triggers, let’s face it, we can’t wave a magic wand and make all stress disappear. Some days, life just keeps on lifing, and that’s perfectly okay.

One of the first steps to being able to deal with inevitable stress is identifying how we respond to it. Instead of feeling shame for how we respond to shame, you can take steps to help yourself come out of stress and be regulated on the other side.

There’s no hard and fast rule that you’ll only display one of these responses, but you’ll likely relate to one or two as being your go-to.

The Four Stress Responses:

1. Fight – This is a more aggressive pattern. And it might feel like our best chance at surviving this stress! The fight response is to “attack” the stress in your life with big emotions, anger, controlling, or rage.
2. Flight – If you’re not going to fight the stress in front of you, avoiding it might resonate with you more. It can be literal, jumping in your car and going for a drive. But it can also be perfectionism and focusing on all the little things to keep us from being in the real world.
3. Freeze – You might notice that you feel stuck or slow within your life. It’s hard to get motivated, to get things done, to make decisions. Freezing can be disconnecting, disassociating, and isolating.
4. Fawn -This pattern often presents as being a people-pleaser. We avoid conflict AT ALL COSTS. Fawning can keep us from expressing our emotions or thoughts. Putting everyone else before ourselves gives us our best chance for love and safety. You might struggle with setting boundaries, saying no, or being a “doormat” to those around you.

In general, we can be prone to overextend ourselves. Knowing these responses, notice how your body and brain respond when you experience stress. Are you yelling at your kids? Are you zoning out and scrolling social media?

Is that behavior serving you? If not, bring yourself back into regulation. You’ve got this!

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