I used to wear my perfectionism like a badge of honor. I believed it was proof of my discipline, drive, and work ethic—the very thing that made me successful.
But here’s what I wasn’t saying out loud:
⚡ I quit playing softball because a coach told me I “couldn’t hit water if I fell out of a boat.”
⚡ I got defensive anytime I received feedback—because mistakes felt like a threat to my worth.
⚡ I kept people at arm’s length, unsure how to accept myself, let alone trust that they would.
⚡ I judged others for being human because I had no tolerance for my own imperfections.
And what did that all lead to? Exhaustion. Self-doubt. Burnout.
It took me a long time to realize this: the flip side of perfectionism is poison. You can’t take the so-called benefits—success, high standards, discipline—without also swallowing the fear, overthinking, avoidance, and chronic stress that come with it.
And maybe you’ve felt this too.
Perfectionism isn’t making you better. It’s keeping you stuck. Stuck in patterns of overworking, overanalyzing, and never feeling “enough.”
So today, we’re calling it out. Let’s unpack the sneaky ways perfectionism is running the show, how it hijacks your nervous system, and how to start rewiring your brain so you can step out of the trap—for good.
Because you’re not here because you’re perfect. You’re here because of who you are.
1. Perfectionism Is Keeping You from Learning
When was the last time you tried something new and actually let yourself be bad at it?
Most of us don’t. Because perfectionism turns learning into a threat. If your worth has always been tied to your performance—your grades, your achievements, your ability to get things right—then stepping into something new feels like stepping into failure.
So instead of trying, perfectionism whispers:
🚫 If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all.
🚫 People will judge you if you struggle.
🚫 Mistakes mean you’re not good enough.
How This Connects to Your Nervous System
Your brain is wired to avoid failure because it links failure with rejection, shame, or even danger. If you were criticized for mistakes or only celebrated when you excelled, your nervous system might perceive “not knowing how” as unsafe.
Instead of curiosity, you experience fight-or-flight the second you feel unsure of yourself. That’s why you might avoid learning something new—even when you want to.
How to Rewire This Pattern
💡 Shift your focus to progress, not perfection. What if your only goal was to improve, not to excel? Pick up a hobby you abandoned. Try something new without the pressure to master it.
💡 Let yourself be bad at something. Notice the discomfort—and sit with it, instead of running from it.
💡 Reframe mistakes as proof of growth. Every time you mess up, remind yourself: “This means I’m learning.”
2. Perfectionism Keeps You from Taking Feedback
Let’s be real—if you’re a perfectionist, feedback doesn’t feel like “help.” It feels like an attack.
🚩 If you dread performance reviews…
🚩 If you get defensive when someone suggests an edit…
🚩 If you only want feedback when it’s glowing…
Perfectionism has you stuck. Because here’s the truth: If you can’t take feedback, you can’t grow.
How This Connects to Your Nervous System
Your nervous system scans for threats 24/7. If past experiences made you feel like mistakes = rejection, then feedback will trigger a stress response.
Your brain doesn’t hear, “Here’s how you can improve.”
It hears, “You’re not good enough.”
That’s why your heart races, your stomach tightens, or your mind scrambles to justify yourself instead of just… accepting the feedback.
How to Rewire This Pattern
💡 Pause before reacting. Instead of instantly defending yourself, take a breath and say, “Thanks for that insight—I’ll think on it.”
💡 Separate yourself from the feedback. You are not your work. You are not your performance. Feedback is about what you did, not who you are.
💡 Practice receiving small, low-stakes feedback. Ask a friend how you can show up better. Request input on a draft before submitting it. Build your tolerance in ways that feel safe.
3. Perfectionism Adds a Layer of Stress to Everything You Do
Perfectionism isn’t just about what you do—it’s about how you do it. And for most perfectionists, that means:
🚩 Overthinking every email because it has to sound just right.
🚩 Editing your Instagram caption 500 times before posting.
🚩 Triple-checking your work even though you already checked it twice.
And all of that? It’s exhausting.
How This Connects to Your Nervous System
Your brain wasn’t designed to be in high-alert mode 24/7. But when perfectionism keeps you hyper-focused on not making mistakes, your body stays in a low-grade stress response—all the time.
That means:
💥 Elevated cortisol (stress hormone) that keeps you wired.
💥 Disrupted sleep because your brain can’t turn off.
💥 Burnout—not from doing too much, but from putting pressure on every little thing.
How to Rewire This Pattern
💡 Give yourself “good enough” deadlines. Instead of tweaking endlessly, set a timer and ship the work when it’s good, not perfect.
💡 Practice imperfect action. Post the messy Instagram caption. Speak up before you overthink it. Let yourself be seen before you feel ready.
💡 Let things be easier. Instead of asking, “How can I make this better?” ask, “How can I make this simpler?”
Perfectionism Isn’t Helping You—It’s Holding You Back
At the end of the day, you’re not in the room because you’re perfect.
You’re in the room because of who you are.
Perfectionism isn’t a strength.
It’s a fear-based pattern designed to keep you safe. But in reality? It’s stealing your joy.
🔹 It’s keeping you from learning.
🔹 It’s making feedback feel like a threat.
🔹 It’s adding unnecessary stress to everything you do.
It’s time to let it go.
Not all at once. Not overnight.
But one imperfect step at a time.
Your Next Step
1️⃣ Pick one shift to start today.
👉 Maybe it’s sending the email without over-editing.
👉 Maybe it’s asking for feedback—even if it’s uncomfortable.
👉 Maybe it’s trying something new and letting yourself be bad at it.
2️⃣ Want More Tools?
Download my Nervous System Reset Guide—packed with practical, science-backed techniques to rewire perfectionism and build real confidence. (Link in the show notes!)
3️⃣ Share This With a Friend.
If you know someone who’s stuck in the perfectionism trap, send this their way. Because we’re not meant to strive for impossible standards—we’re meant to be human.
💡 Final Thought:
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.
You don’t have to be perfect to be successful.
You don’t have to be perfect—period.
And the sooner you stop chasing it, the freer you’ll be. 💛
>>> 💌 DOWNLOAD THE NERVOUS SYSTEM RESET GUIDE <<<
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