Let’s go there—because telling a high-functioning woman to “just relax” is like telling a hurricane to take a nap. It’s dismissive. It’s unhelpful. And it totally misses the point of what’s actually happening in your body.

You want to relax. You try to relax. But when your system is running on chronic stress, even rest can feel… agitating.

This post isn’t about bubble baths and “good vibes only.” We’re going beyond “take a deep breath” and getting into the neuroscience of why somatic tools work—what’s happening in your body when you’re overwhelmed, and how you can shift it in real time.

But before we jump into the tools, let’s ground in the why.

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Your Body Isn’t Broken—It’s Trying to Protect You

Here’s the truth: when you’re stressed, your body isn’t malfunctioning. It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do.

Your sympathetic nervous system revs up. Heart rate spikes. Cortisol surges. Digestion slows. And your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that plans, reasons, and regulates—goes offline.

This makes perfect sense if there’s an actual threat. But in modern life, most of our stress isn’t an attacking tiger—it’s that 7pm Slack message, the 37 decisions you made before breakfast, and the compounding exhaustion of carrying everyone’s mental load.

The problem? There’s no clear “threat over” signal. So your nervous system never fully downshifts. Over time, this creates allostatic load—the biological wear and tear from chronic stress.

And no amount of overthinking can fix it. Because 80–90% of the vagus nerve’s communication flows from the body to the brain—not the other way around. That’s why somatic tools matter. They send cues of safety up to your brain, helping your system relax, recalibrate, and return to calm.

Let’s break down four tools that do exactly that.

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TOOL 1: The Physiological Sigh

Why it works:
When anxiety rises, CO₂ builds up in your blood. Your brain interprets this as danger. The physiological sigh—a double inhale followed by a long exhale—helps you blow off that excess CO₂ and activate the parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) response.

This reflex slows your heart rate, soothes your vagus nerve, and tells your system, “We’re okay now.”

Try it:
Breathe in deeply through your nose. At the top of that inhale, take a second quick sip of air. Then exhale slowly and completely through your mouth. Repeat 2–3 times.

It’s simple, effective, and fast. Like a manual override for your stress.

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TOOL 2: Shaking to Discharge Stress

Why it works:
Animals shake off trauma instinctively. That movement releases built-up survival energy and resets the nervous system. Humans? We tend to suppress it. But shaking is one of the most direct ways to complete the stress response.

It stimulates muscle proprioceptors, increases calming GABA in the brain, and signals safety from the body up.

Try it:
Stand up. Bounce gently through your knees. Let your arms and shoulders follow. Shake for 1–2 minutes. Let yourself get silly if it helps. Add music. Let go.

You’re not unraveling. You’re releasing. That’s what allows your system to relax again.

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TOOL 3: Deep Pressure (Weighted Blankets, Compression, or Firm Touch)

Why it works:
Deep pressure activates mechanoreceptors in your skin that calm the nervous system, increase serotonin and oxytocin, and help regulate emotion centers in the brain.

Think of it like a hug from the inside out.

Try it:
Lay under a weighted blanket. Press a pillow firmly against your chest. Rest face down with something heavy across your back.

You don’t have to “do” anything. Just let your body receive the input—and relax into the support.

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TOOL 4: Cold Stimulation to the Face or Neck

Why it works:
Strategic cold taps into the diving reflex, a primal mechanism that slows your heart rate, reduces metabolic demand, and triggers parasympathetic dominance. It also decreases amygdala reactivity (read: fear brain) and boosts norepinephrine, which sharpens focus without the crash.

Try it:
Place a cold compress on your cheeks, neck, or upper chest for 30–90 seconds. Or splash your face with cold water. You’ll feel the shift—like a reset button for your brainstem.

Just don’t overdo it. A little chill goes a long way.

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You Don’t Need to Work Harder to Relax

This isn’t about trying harder to relax (because wow, if that worked, you’d be a Zen master by now). It’s about giving your body the right inputs so it knows it’s safe to relax.

Somatic tools work because they meet your body where it’s at. They don’t ask you to think your way out. They ask you to feel your way through.

Related Episodes to Explore:

• Previous Episode
• 3 Ways to Show Your Body It’s OK to Relax & Be Calm
• Are You Dysregulated? 10 Surprising Signs of Nervous System Dysregulation
• 4 Overlooked Symptoms of Dysregulation That Aren’t Actually “Normal”
• 5 Daily Habits That are Dysregulating Your Nervous System
• 3 Popular Wellness Trends That Might Be Dysregulating Your Nervous System

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