Life becomes simpler the moment you stop negotiating with decisions that are anything less than a 90% yes.

If there’s one shift that ended my overwhelm more than anything else, it’s this:

I stopped entertaining decisions that weren’t a full, aligned yes.

For so long, I tolerated too many opportunities that looked good on paper, the obligations I felt guilty declining, the things I said “maybe” to because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

And every one of those almost-yes commitments quietly drained my nervous system.

The 90% Rule changed that for me.

It’s a simple filter, but it has completely transformed how I make decisions, how I protect my capacity, and how I stay aligned with what actually matters in my life and in this season.

I. Overwhelm Isn’t a Time Problem

Overwhelm isn’t about hours in a day.
It’s about capacity—specifically, a capacity leak caused by saying yes to things your nervous system was never designed to hold.

Most high-achieving women I work with don’t look disorganized.
Their calendars are color-coded, their Asana boards are immaculate, and their kids are thriving.
From the outside: She’s doing it all.
From the inside: constant low-grade anxiety, irritability, touch sensitivity, and a sense that no amount of rest ever restores.

That’s not poor time management.
That’s allostatic load—the accumulated wear-and-tear of chronic stress.
And one of the biggest contributors? Saying yes to things that are fine, but not 90% right.

Every “sort of yes” drains bandwidth that your body needs for regulation, creativity, and joy.
The result is functional burnout: performing well, but running on fumes.

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II. The 90% Rule, Explained

Here’s McKeown’s original concept:
If an opportunity doesn’t score at least a 90 out of 100 against your single most important criterion, it’s a no.

That simple.
Not a “maybe later.”
Not a “let me pray on it for three weeks.”
A no.

You choose one clear criterion for the decision—like:

• “Does this deepen the relationships that matter most right now?”
• “Does this move my business in the direction I’m building toward?”
• “Does this support my nervous system and family capacity this season?”

Then, you gut-check the decision.
Anything below 90 doesn’t make the cut.

It’s radical—but this is where the nervous system shift happens.
Because every non-90 commitment you carry increases cognitive load, invisible labor, and emotional reactivity.
Applying the 90% Rule isn’t just boundary work—it’s biological regulation.

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III. Why This Rule Regulates Your Nervous System

Every yes carries a physiological cost.
When you agree to something, your body allocates resources—attention, cortisol, glucose, and energy.
Too many micro-costs add up to macro depletion.

The 90% Rule reduces that wear in three core ways:

1. Decision Fatigue Shrinks
   You eliminate endless pros-and-cons debates over low-impact options.
   Your brain isn’t spinning in uncertainty loops—it’s free to rest.
2. Invisible Labor Drops
   You stop mentally tracking commitments that were never essential.
   Less invisible work equals more parasympathetic recovery.
3. Window of Tolerance Widens
   Fewer low-grade stressors mean fewer sympathetic spikes.
   The result: more emotional steadiness and access to your prefrontal cortex.

That’s the 90% shift—from “managing everything” to “regulating first, deciding second.”

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IV. Where the 60s and 70s Hide

The danger isn’t bad choices—it’s almost-right ones.
They look fine on paper but live in the gray zone of obligation, guilt, or comparison.
These “70s” sound like:

• Saying yes to volunteer work when your plate’s already full.
• Adding another sport because “everyone else is.”
• Agreeing to extended family plans you dread.
• Taking on projects that impress others but drain you.

None of these are catastrophes.
But each one chips away at nervous system safety.
When you fill your life with 60s and 70s, your body stays in quiet resistance—what I call functional tension.

Living by 90% isn’t perfectionism; it’s protection.

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V. The Tradeoff: Saying No to Good for the Sake of Great

Let’s name the hard part.
Following this rule means saying no to good things.
You’ll decline thoughtful invitations, potential collaborations, even family requests that aren’t aligned.
But this isn’t about scarcity.
It’s about stewardship.

When you honor your 90%, your allostatic load decreases, sleep improves, and your capacity for joy expands.
Tradeoffs stop being loss—they become alignment.
You’re choosing coherence between what matters and how your body moves through life.

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VI. Decision by Design vs. Decision by Default

We live in a world of overabundance—too many decent opportunities, not enough depth.
If you’re not careful, your life becomes a collage of other people’s priorities.

Decision by default happens when you respond from reactivity, guilt, or autopilot.
Decision by design happens when you filter every choice through your 90% rule and trust the pause.

That trust is the nervous system regulation piece.
It’s what allows you to sit in temporary discomfort instead of overcommitting for temporary relief.
Each “no” builds the muscle of safety in stillness—a physiological shift toward peace.

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VII. How to Apply the 90% Rule in Real Life

Step 1: Choose Your Category
Pick one area causing friction—social life, work, kids’ schedules, or extended family commitments.

Step 2: Name the Single Criterion
Example: “Does this deepen relationships I care about?” or “Does this support my nervous system?”

Step 3: Score It from 0–100
Gut-level honesty only. Anything under 90? Automatic no.

Step 4: Support the Nervous System When Discomfort Hits
When guilt or FOMO arises, regulate before you reason.
Try this: hand over heart, slow exhale, repeat—“It’s safe to choose what’s right, not just what’s good.”

Step 5: Notice the Shift
Your body will begin to feel calmer.
You’ll see fewer late-night scroll sessions, fewer overreactions, and more genuine energy for what actually matters.

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VIII. The Somatic Practice: The Physiological Sigh

When you face a tough decision, use this micro-practice:
Two quick inhales through the nose—one full, one top-off—followed by a slow exhale through the mouth.
Then ask: “If this isn’t a 90% yes, am I willing to carry the cost anyway?”

This single breath-and-question combo resets your nervous system’s threat response, drops cortisol, and reopens cognitive clarity.
You’ll feel the difference instantly—a shift from pressure to presence.

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IX. The Permission You Need

You are allowed to build a life made of 90% yeses.
You are allowed to protect your energy, to decline from alignment, and to rest in enough.
This isn’t selfish—it’s sustainable.
It’s how your nervous system learns that peace is safe.

Say no to the 70s.
Say yes to the 90s.
Let your calendar reflect your calling, not your conditioning.
That’s what living Alive & Well actually means.

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