If I had to start my career over again—knowing what I now know about ambition, the nervous system, and sustainable success—I would do it Different in ways that might surprise you.
Clarity, not regret, shapes that conviction.
Ambition itself was never the problem.
Excellence didn’t hurt me either.
What caused the damage was how I pursued it.

For years, I believed output determined worth.
Self-abandonment felt like the entry fee for success.
Override became my default operating system.
Eventually, my body collected the debt.

If you’re a high-achieving woman reading this—especially a working mother—I already know this lands.
Capability has never been your issue.
Resilience isn’t missing.
Commitment runs deep.
Yet something inside you has whispered, There has to be another way.

Today, I want to share what I would teach the younger version of myself.
These are the five things I would do Different if I were starting my career again.

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Part I — The Pace I Didn’t Question (But Should Have)

When I look back on my years practicing law while raising two babies sixteen months apart, my body remembers before my mind does.
Speed ruled everything.
Hours mattered more than health.
Motherhood squeezed into whatever margin remained.

Because I could physically sustain that pace, I assumed I should.
High-capacity women do that.
We carry it all until the system collapses.

At the time, I lacked language for allostatic load, cortisol dysregulation, or nervous system capacity.
I only knew something inside me felt frayed.

Here’s what I understand now:
Ambition doesn’t burn women out.
Dysregulation does.
Chronic override does.
Living outside your window of tolerance does.

That realization alone would have changed everything.
And it’s why I would do things Different from the very beginning.

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The Five Things I’d Do Different

1. I Would Define Success Before Chasing It

Early in my career, I borrowed other people’s definitions of success.
Legal culture dictated the rules.
Billable hours became moral currency.
External metrics replaced internal alignment.

Neuroscience tells us something important here.
Goals rooted in external pressure push the nervous system into survival states—hypervigilance, anxiety, and chronic sympathetic activation.
Performance becomes about perception rather than purpose.

If I could rewind, I would pause long enough to ask better questions.
What do I actually want to feel in my work?
Who do I want to be while building this?
Which version of success lets my nervous system stay regulated?

That reframing alone would have made my entire path Different.

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2. I Would Say No Faster—and Without Apology

Back then, yes came automatically.
Pleasure, fear, and responsibility all tangled together.
Boundaries arrived late, if at all.

Delayed boundaries still cost energy.
Every prolonged decision keeps the nervous system braced.
Anticipatory stress drains capacity long before anything even begins.

Today, I know this:
A fast no is a nervous-system strategy.
Clarity protects energy.
Hesitation keeps stress alive.

Starting over, I would choose Different responses.
No would arrive cleanly.
Space would stay intact.
My body would no longer pay for indecision.

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3. I Would Regulate Daily Instead of Pushing Through

Override once felt like strength.
Anxiety meant caffeine.
Exhaustion meant effort.
Overstimulation meant grit.

That strategy worked—until it didn’t.

Your nervous system is your capacity.
Regulation isn’t indulgence.
It’s infrastructure.

Even minutes a day change everything.
Cortisol stabilizes.
Emotional tolerance widens.
Executive function improves.
Reactivity softens.

If I were starting again, regulation would come first—not last.
That single change would have created a radically Different experience of ambition.

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4. I Would Track Energy, Not Just Time

Calendars once ruled my life.
Color coding looked impressive.
Efficiency felt responsible.
Depletion stayed constant.

Time isn’t the real constraint.
Energy is.

Biology governs focus, clarity, and stamina.
Cortisol rhythms, sleep quality, glucose levels, emotional labor, and sensory input all shape capacity.

When you work against those rhythms, no planner can save you.
When you work with them, sustainability becomes possible.

Starting over, I would build a career around energy stewardship.
That shift alone would feel profoundly Different in my body.

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5. I Would Invest in Aligned Support Much Earlier

For too long, I tried to outwork what required support.
Stress didn’t yield.
Exhaustion didn’t disappear.
Self-doubt only grew louder.

You cannot outwork your nervous system.
Co-regulation accelerates growth.
Support expands capacity.

Being guided by someone regulated changes everything.
Pressure becomes tolerable.
Recovery becomes faster.
Decisions feel cleaner.

If I could begin again, mentorship would come sooner.
That choice would make the journey unmistakably Different.

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Closing — A Reframe for You

Here’s what I want you to take with you.
You don’t have to sacrifice wellness for ambition.
Meaningful work doesn’t require self-erasure.
Sustainable success honors biology, season, and capacity.

If something inside you has been whispering for a Different way—listen.
That voice isn’t weakness.
It’s wisdom.

And this time, you’re allowed to build it differently.

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