Carol Enneking was doing everything right.

Corporate leadership. Her own company. Working motherhood. A career that spanned over 100 organizations and took her all over the world. By any external measure, she had built exactly what a successful woman was supposed to build.

Then she got breast cancer. Then diabetes. Then high blood pressure. Each one a signal. Each one managed around until the next one arrived louder.

Her doctor after surgery was clear: keep stress low. Six months later, Carol was back to burning the candle at both ends.

She’s not sharing this as a cautionary tale. She’s sharing it because when she started interviewing other women — over 70 of them, ages 23 to 73 — she found out it wasn’t just her. The pattern was everywhere. And the myth that we can — or should — have it all has been getting exposed since the 1970s. We just keep trying anyway.

This conversation is about what to do instead.

The Problem With ‘Having It All’

Carol is clear about this: she doesn’t like the phrase. Not because ambition is wrong, but because the framing sets women up to measure themselves against an impossible standard.

The very traits that make high-achieving women successful — relentlessness, capability, the ability to handle everything — are also the traits that make it easy to override every signal the body sends. We don’t stop when we’re tired. We stop when we break.

And the cost isn’t just physical. It’s the slow erosion of actually being present in the life you’re working so hard to build.

Start With the End in Mind

Carol’s rebalancing framework starts not with a calendar audit or a productivity system, but with two questions:

What do you actually value?

What do you want people to say about you when this season — or this life — is over?

She first did a values exercise in her 20s at Exxon and came up with five: faith, family, serenity, health, and contribution. Those five have guided every major decision since — even when she wasn’t fully aware of it.

The problem, she says, isn’t that women don’t know their values. Most can name them off the top of their heads. The problem is the gap between stated values and actual calendar. Open up most women’s schedules and you’ll find two of their five values reflected, if they’re lucky.

That gap is where the exhaustion lives.

Surrender, Trust, and Faith

When Carol has faced her biggest transitions — an unexpected divorce, a cancer diagnosis, leaving a corporate career she loved — she’s returned to the same three anchors.

Surrender: letting go of the plan. Not because plans are bad, but because the assumption that we can control outcomes is the thing that keeps us white-knuckling everything. The older Carol has gotten, the more she’s been able to open her hands.

Trust: in the path forward even when you can’t see it. In the people who care about you. And in your own ability to handle the next moment, even when the next five years look unclear.

Faith: believing in something larger than yourself. For Carol, that’s her Christian faith. For others it looks different. But the through-line is the same — when you’re not the center of your own story, it becomes easier to let go of the things that were never yours to carry.

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

One of the most useful reframes in this conversation: capability is not a mandate.

You may be a CPA who would make the best PTA treasurer. That doesn’t mean you should be the PTA treasurer. You may be the most organized person in the room. That doesn’t mean every system needs your fingerprints on it.

The question isn’t what can I do. It’s what am I uniquely meant to do. And what can I let go of without guilt?

That second part, Carol says, is where most women get stuck. The guilt of saying no. The fear that stepping back means falling behind, or failing someone, or being less than.

The antidote isn’t productivity. It’s clarity. When you know what you stand for and what your legacy is, the no’s get easier. Not easy. Easier.

The Rebalancing Framework in Practice

Carol’s approach isn’t about blowing everything up. It’s about backing up from the big picture to find one small move.

Start with lifetime goals — not what you’re supposed to want, but what you actually want. Travel, family, financial freedom, fitness, work that matters. Write it down. You don’t need to know how to get there yet.

Narrow to a five-year plan. What from that list is actually relevant to this season?

Narrow further. What’s one or two things you can work on right now? Not the whole ocean. One thing.

Then take the next step. Not the perfect step — the next one.

Carol’s daughter loved to cook. So Carol paid her an allowance to make a few family dinners a week during a particularly demanding work season. That’s it. One small, creative solution to one real problem. That’s what rebalancing actually looks like in practice.

What Her Kids Actually Remember

Carol asked her adult children — separately, so they couldn’t compare answers — whether they ever felt like her career was more important than them. Whether they felt like they were sacrificed for her work.

Both said no.

She missed some things. She didn’t pack gourmet lunches. She gave gift cards when other parents brought homemade cookies. But she was present for what counted. And two kids now in their mid-twenties remember the right things.

That’s not permission to check out. It’s a reminder that the bar we set for ourselves is almost always higher than the one the people we love are actually holding us to.

Connect With Carol

• The Rebalancing Act: Wisdom from Working Women for Success That Matters – available everywhere books are sold
• www.carolenneking.com

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